Sister, you are loved, you are cherished, and you are valued beyond anything you could possibly even imagine. If you’re anything like me, you skipped right over that. The same deep rooted thoughts crash over any good feelings threatening to make you feel even the least bit good about yourself.
We live in a cruel world, especially for women. A frustrating and overwhelming precedence has been created that tells us as women that we are to not only maintain a certain physical appearance but also an emotional one, a mental one and a social one. And everywhere the message is that change will make you beautiful. The mantra that is stressed in most advertisements and social media is that the way that you currently are needs to be different, improved or changed altogether. A vicious cycle that trains your heart to feel as though the inward and outward appearance of who you are is not worthy of being seen or known.
In writing this I went out on a limb and decided to research some Self Esteem statistics. (I did not know there was such a thing). In a study run by Real Girls: national report on Self-Esteem they found that 98% of girls feel that “there is an immense pressure from external sources to look a certain way. This literally means that nearly every single girl feels as though they should look a very specific way, essentially the way that society tells them to look. Sadly, 92% of teenage girls wanted to change something about the way that they looked, with body weight being the top change. These statistics went on and on, shocking me.
With these statistics bearing down on me, I want to talk to you, pretend I’m your new best friend (for reals though!) and let’s have some sister to sister talk.
I am the victim of bullying. No, not a mean kid at school or the infamous mean girls that pop up in every story, fairy or not. I am the victim of myself. I don’t like the word “victim” so that is the last you’ll hear of it here.
Every time I go somewhere I bring a jacket. Not for cold, not for wind, not for rain, but to lay on my lap. Why? Because I am self conscious about my stomach and my legs. I remember the first time hearing another female talk about doing this, and it made me seriously wonder how many women are like me. If you go to my google search, chances are you will find a search for ways to lose weight. If you read through my journal, you will see the familiar numbers of the countless times I've tried diets or workout programs. If you talk to me, you will never hear me say these things, you will never hear me talk about insecurities and you will most certainly never know that anything like this is going through my head.
Why? Because women don’t talk about things like this, and it wasn’t till recently that I truly found how wrong that is. With almost 100% of women struggling with this, I think it needs to be talked about 10x more than it is.
My biggest struggle is fluctuation, some days I get out of bed and I love being me, I love how I look, how I feel, and who I am. Other days, the struggle is to get out of bed, to find something to wear, and to love my own body. I spend minutes looking at the mirror just hating on me. Anyone looking in on my relationship with myself would consider it toxic. It is. Why? Because I never learned how to have a relationship with myself. I am learning though, and it’s a beautiful but difficult journey.
I think that many would expect this article to be about a triumphant ending but it’s not and I’m okay with that. Why? Because I believe that this relationship with myself is just like any relationship with another person. It takes time, there are annoyances to be worked through, communication to be had, self-care to be done, and respect to be earned. I think we try to hurry ourselves along, forgetting that we live in a world that constantly pitches at us to change who we are.
So how do you even go about pursuing a relationship with yourself? I think there are four steps to discovering this.
Remember that you are made of all that built you and all that broke you, both of these will take time to work through. It’s okay to not love every single part of your body, it’s been through a lot and sometimes instead of love, you give grace.
It is okay to not follow the narrative that self-care will make you love yourself. It is not the action of self-care that will make you love yourself, but the journey it takes to decide that you are worthy of love and care.
Allowing others to love you, will give your heart healing, so that you can love yourself.
Pursuing a God who sees your beauty before you can even know it. As cliche as this sounds, there is nothing more beautiful than knowing that someone who KNOWS everything about you, including every stretch mark, added pound, hair type, unwanted weight loss, and height calls you beautiful, cherished and loved.
I think we as women try to look for outside factors for our lack of self-esteem, when in actuality the way we think of ourselves, comes from ourselves. Maybe not all of it, but it sure is reiterated by ourselves. I will say it again, you are loved, cherished and valued beyond anything you could ever imagine. Pursue a relationship with yourself, because through that, you will discover a woman who is more than you could ever have believed!
And remember. I love you for you!
xoxo han
Hannah Taylor, is a writer, photographer, speaker, and Social Media coach who works with individuals desiring to use Instagram for sharing their stories. Hannah believes that every single person has a place on Social Media and that no matter what, someone, somewhere will find belonging in
another’s journey. When she is not coaching clients, she is writing on her personal Instagram @hangracetay, working at a cafe, or photographing beautiful people.
Her dream is that through her work, she will be able to change how Christians think and feel about Social Media, how women feel about themselves, and how we love others!
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